So many men and women I meet have a huge ability to love and be loved, however, shut themselves down and don’t allow it. They are able to connect with a significant other in every way and are very good at making it seem they are moving forward in a direction of commitment until the point they are actually asked about it by their partner. They are lacking one very important quality. The ability to open up their hearts and minds to becoming a part of a relationship. I believe these type of people have several reasons in common that stop them from being able to make a commitment to another person.
- Pain from past experiences
- Walls they have built around themselves so they can’t be hurt
If you are one of these people you need to allow yourself to be open to love and all that comes with it, or you will be living what I call and unfinished life. Always searching to fill the empty void in your heart where love and your person can be. Loving someone is scary. It means you can be hurt, rejected and disappointed. However, it also means you can be fulfilled in a way that only love and the person that loves you can fulfill. You have to push past the walls you have built and walk through your fears.
Ways to push past the fear, pain, and past experiences to find true happiness with yourself and others.
- Figure out what the issues are that are holding you back
- Take each issue one be one, work through them, get closure, and then put them behind you.
- Be true to yourself and accept the pain and fear surrounding these issues.
- Explore what is causing the fear. Feel it, experience it, push through it and take a risk at exploring what is on the other side of it.
- Forgive yourself for anything you causing you to feel sadness or regret.
- Stop punishing yourself for the past.
- Forgive others for their bad behavior against you that is holding you back from connecting in an authentic way with others.
- Take a risk on someone that your gut tells you is special. This is a way to push past the fear and see what is on the other side. Yes, you could get hurt emotionally, disappointed or a broken heart. However, you could have an amazing connection, fall in love and have a relationship that works! How will you know if you don’t try? Let your walls down and be vulnerable.
- Put the checklist of your perfect mate away. No one will ever fulfill it. It is unrealistic. Focus on the people you meet and how they make you feel. Do they make you feel happy, excited to be with and positive? Do they build you up? Are you a better version of yourself when you are with them? Do they turn you on emotionally, sexually and intellectually? Are you compatible in the things you like to do, your values, morals, and lifestyle? These are the things for which you should be looking.