Blog, College, Launching Year Series

Joy And Sorrow What A Weird Combination

After months of helping my son with his college application process and decisions, he has finally made his choice! What an unbelievable experience. I think I have felt every emotion possible over this last year.

Boy Into Man

Watching my baby grow into a man has been an experience I will treasure for my entire life. The road to his success of college acceptance has been hard work, grit, sweat, tears and joy. That story I will tell another day. Last night he made a very difficult decision to not take a baseball position at a university he loved to commit to a university he loves even more. He has made his first grown up decision. His very first life changing choice.

The decision was not made lightly and without serious consideration of what he would be giving up and what he would be gaining. After 10 years of playing baseball and becoming a college ability athlete, he has decided to give up his student athlete career to pursue his bigger dream and vision of attending his number one choice university and experience all the amazing things it has to offer outside of baseball. I can not tell you how incredibly proud I am of him for having the strength and character to make this choice for himself. For recognizing that this choice can help him grow, thrive, and be successful towards his future. I also grieve his loss of giving up his dream to play baseball for a university and all the hopes and visions he had of wearing a college uniform and playing on his college field.

As a parent, we want so badly for our kids to be happy, and thus, want what they want and feel what they feel. It’s time for my son to close a huge chapter in his life. The one that helped define the man he has become, and helped him build his character, work ethic, and integrity. As in all endings of life’s chapters, this is a painful process. No matter how positive the next chapter promises to be; it is a grieving process of giving up friends and a way of life that was known for so long. On the other side, it is a time for great joy and celebration. A time to be proud of accomplishments and excited for a wonderful journey and adventure in the next chapter of life.

From Joy to Sorrow and Back

When Tyler told me his decision we were so excited! We celebrated and planned and finally after all of these months looked forward. He could finally focus on his new upcoming life as a college co-ed at the university he wanted to go to most! The feelings of joy, excitement and pride filled my whole being to the point I felt I would explode! These are the moments to embrace and rejoice in life. I called my family, and we celebrated the news! I posted it on Facebook for all of my Facebook friends to see! I was one proud boasting mama! I deserved that! And then the bottom fell out for a minute.

The realization that my baby, my son, one of my best friends and best people I know, was going away to Texas in three months hit me. I can not describe the pain and grief and intense sorrow that brings me. The feelings of loss I did not expect.

What a strange combination joy and sorrow all mashed together.

These feelings hit me like a Mac Truck. A full semi 18 wheeler smacking me head on! They were overwhelming. The only thing I could do was give in to the emotion and let it flow through me. The last time I sobbed that violently was when my beloved grandma passed away 2 years ago. As I allowed myself to feel and work through the emotional wave, I found my calm. I found my joy again. With the sorrow came the joy. The happiness and excitement for my first son, who was going to embark on the future he worked so hard to get to, started to flow through me once more. I live in that place of joy most of the time right now. The sorrow sneaks in, and I allow myself a good cry. Then back to my happy place and helping my son design his future until he doesn’t need my help anymore, which I hope is never.

 

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