As I sit here writing at 12:30 a.m., I am trying to put into words how painfully difficult it is to get my head around my eldest son being grown up and leaving in two months. I know I should be thrilled and excited for him and his new adventures. I am. Really. It is just so hard to imagine my life in this house, in this town, and during my days without him. I am so mad at myself for allowing my sadness and fears to dampen my joy of this time with him.